Letting Go

Today I was faced with the decision of having to let go of my faithful best friend of the past 15 1/2 years.  In doggy years she was 105 and it was time to let her have some peace.  She went to sleep very easily, no fussing, no whining, no pain.  The process was quicker and easier than I had expected - it wasn't easy though by a long shot to have to say good bye and let her go.

On the drive home in the midst of my uncontrollable weeping, I felt almost guilty that for the past year,  I have held onto her when I should have let her go sooner.  For my own selfish reasons I could not or would not and therefore did not let go.  I found every excuse I could to avoid the decision: she wasn't that blind or that uncomfortable, she had love yet to give and love yet to receive, or maybe she'll just go in her sleep some night.  Last 4th of July I thought, "This is it, she's going to the light!"  We shed some tears and said our peace, and 10 minutes later she popped right up and was fine.  I'm telling you she has had like 12 lives!  Well - last week it became clear that her quality of life really wasn't what was humane for her.  For everything she's given us, she didn't deserve to be banished to the bathroom.  It was time to let go.

I started to wonder why is it so hard to let go?  Letting go of the people or pets we love, well that's an easy answer - we love them.  But what about letting go of the things that should be easy to let go of like the fear of failure or the feelings of inadequacy?  Those aren't things or feeling we want in our lives anyways and you'd think we'd be able to let them go as quick as a past due cable bill (remembering the last post, please pay your cable bill - thanks).

I've come to the conclusion that sometimes the fear of what happens after we let go, is greater than the pain of actually holding on.  I'll say it again - THE FEAR OF WHAT HAPPENS AFTER WE LET GO IS GREATER THAN THE PAIN OF HOLDING ON.  Maybe this is why so many women stay in abusive relationships or just plain stay with the wrong person and settle all their life.  Maybe this is why the over weight unhealthy person won't let go of their bad eating habits or their emotional eating.  It's not will-power, it's fear of letting go. They are too afraid of letting go of the possibility of failing so why try.  It's too hard, I'm too heavy, I'm just going to quit anyways.  They can't or won't and therefore don't let go.

When I stood in line for my first 5K, the one thought I had other than I really should've gone pee - was, "What if I can't do it?"  "What if I quit and make a fool out of myself?"  I knew that I had run 2 -  5K road tests on my own and completed them - plus ran numerous on my treadmill.  My heart knew I could do it, but my brain didn't want to let go of the fear of failing.  Then before I knew it the horn blew and I was ushered along amongst a sea of people and I didn't have the chance to go pee!  I finished my 5K well under my predicted and PRd it by 3 minutes!  The thought of - "it's hard to pee if you're moving" did keep me going I have to say.

my best friend Maggie

So I ask you this - what is it that you haven't let go of that's keeping you from having the best you deserve?  What feelings or thoughts do you need to let go of to help you win your race?  What recording in your mind do you play over and over that keeps you trapped?  It's time to let go and start living your life to the potential you deserve.  I'm letting go, not looking back, and running for my life!